8 Self-Care Tips To Get You Through Divorce
1. Break-up with Class
It is so easy to head down the road of bitterness and anger when facing a divorce. Stay true to yourself and remember that your partner does not need to agree with you nor do they have to understand your side. You can only control yourself and as hard as it is to do, take the high road. Do not beg or plead for your partner to take you back or work on things. Remember you deserve to be loved and cherished as you are. If your partner treats you like an option be brave enough to walk away knowing you are opening the door to someone who will appreciate you.
2.Take joint responsibility
Although this is very difficult especially if you have been wronged. Put your ego aside and and take responsibility for your role in the relationship (even if it is a silent responsibility). Although we may have not been the one who broke the relationship, everyone makes mistakes and there are most likely times when you could have handled things better.
3. Talk, talk, talk (but don't bad mouth and stay out of the negativity) Find a loyal friend or family member to talk to. One of the most difficult things I found was that people don't always want to hear your sob story. Yet, talking is so important to healing. If you friends and family have had enough of hearing your drama, find a good counselor, write to yourself or your ex in a journal, talk to your dog. Whatever it takes, process that garbage and be rid of it!
4. Focus on the basics. Take each day one day at a time. Don't worry about the future. Take care of yourself, focus on the needs of your job, the children, your bills and activities of daily life. When we allow what ifs and the future to enter our mind if is an overwhelming storm. Focus on the day to day and do not dwell of the other things.
- 5.Exercise! Exercise is not only good for the body, but it is good for the mind as well. Exercise releases feel good hormones which make your outlook more positive and it allows you to handle difficult situations with control. Furthermore, it is a great way to release stress from the body which can build up and cause physical illness on top of the already strained body and mind.
- 5. Practice self-compassion. Self compassion was something I struggled with a lot. The mistakes I made played over and over in my head which only lead to feeling like a failure. Remember this one event does not define you as a person. Sure, maybe you made mistakes, but so did your partner. After all it takes two to make a marriage work. So, forgive yourself and start paying attention to awesome you truly are.
- 6.Join a group- Find a support group. Many churches have support groups and/or divorce care groups. Check out your local Meetup groups for others that may have similar interests as you. It will give you something positive to focus on and you may meet new friends. You local medical hospitals and clinic may also have support groups that focus on mental health and self care during challenging times. There are resources out there. You just have to be brave enough to venture out of your comfort zone. Groups can be a game changer!
7. Practice Gratitude. It is very easy to get swept down the worm hole of negativity during a divorce. There can be so much hurt, disappointment, and devastation it is difficult to see a bright side. However, starting a gratitude practice is a life savor. Make it a practice. Try writing every morning while driving your coffee one thing you are grateful for. If writing is not your thing, make it a ritual to name three things you are thankful for while you take your shower.....even if it is having running water....it is something positive. Having problems with this? Start small. The positive energy will build and before you know it things will look much more hopeful.
8. Meditate- Mediation is a useful tool to help us gain control over our incessant thinking minds. Taking time out to breathe and slow the mind literally changes the brain's wiring. Meditation has been proven to aid in focus, concentration, and lower stress and blood pressure. There are many apps out there to help guild you in meditation. Try Insight Timer or Calm for instance to get a feel. They are free and can useful tools.
