Finding your way after divorce. It's a journey of discovering yourself, finding support, closing the door and moving forward Learning to reimagine your dreams for happiness and abundance!

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Saturday, December 21, 2019

Surviving the Holiday During Divorce

If you are in the midst of divorce or newly divorced, you probably are feelings emotionally bruised and less than joyful this holiday season. It is common for loneliness and sadness to set in about missing out on holiday celebrations with your children, family or simply being nostalgic about holiday traditions. The combination of the pain of divorce with expectation of being merry during the holidays often compounds the feelings of loss, and it is no wonder many experiences depression, anger and isolation.
Even if your head knows divorce is the right thing, the heart often lags behind and adjusting to this new normal is a challenge for anyone. There are many things you can do to help navigate this time of the year in a positive fashion. Here are a few tips that may be helpful in your journey…. 
1.     Do not make big decisions: Although the temptation to get things over with may be looming, making big decisions this time of year is not a good idea.  There is already enough stress during the holidays; don’t take on more.  There will be time to make decisions after the holiday bustle in over. 
2.     Avoid additional tension with your ex: It might mean taking the high road and pretending to be unphased, but for the sake of your children and yourself don’t engage in negativity with your ex. Being pleasant goes a long way toward reducing tension. After all the greatest revenge is for you ex to see you thriving on your own.
3.     Self-care: Taking care of yourself is essential. Practice engaging in positive self-talk, meditate, journal, take walks, bubble baths, read a book, and talk to a friend. Anything that is an  investment in your mental health is self-care.
4.     Practice Positivity: Learning not to judge others especially when we feel wronged is an art and takes practice, but not only does negativity breed negativity, it creates internal conflict within your children and family because they feel caught in the middle. Stop the negative thinking by being mindful of your thoughts, acknowledging them, and then releasing them to the universe. You will feel more at peace, your family will not feel torn, and karma can take its course. 
5.     Find some fun: When was the last time you did something fun? It has probably been a while. Treat yourself to the gift of something you enjoy…. laugh,  be silly, and goofy. It’s the perfect present for yourself to allow healing to take hold. 
6.     Start new traditions: Old traditions hold special memories and are bound to be missed, but start a new tradition or two.  Cut down your own tree, bake cookies for a cookie exchange, volunteer at a nursing home, or take a trip somewhere you have always wanted to go.  This is the perfect time to start a new tradition and find your own happiness! 
7.     Connect with family: One thing that can help is connecting with extended family. Your extended family can provide you with a loving place to be nurtured, to have some fun, and to feel loved. Reach out this season to your parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles. If you don’t have family start new traditions with good friends or volunteer your time serving others. 
I wish you much love, peace, and healing this holiday season.